"step out"

My Jonas Blog is finally here, it's so late that even I need to slap my own wrist. Sorry about that btw! I'm just going to tell you how my week went and stuff so here goes nothing....

Tuesday was the first show here in the UK. We went to college in the morning to get our mark and then skipped the afternoon. Finished college early in the morning and I of course had to make a last minute dash/shop in Topshop because I needed some earrings haha....so myself and Erica walk into Topshop in Selfridges and BAM! who should we see other than Christa Black and Caroline Buckman. If you don't know who these two are then shame on you! Haha! They are the "beautiful and talented JB string session" as NickJ says.

They were both so friendly. They asked us so much stuff. Loved our accents. Asked how we even knew who they were. We didn't get a picture because I completely forgot my camera but we had so much fun "topshopping" with them! Haha! We then ran home, got changed and jumped on the train to the LG Arena. Let me tell you that night was full of highs and lows emotionally.

The last time myself and Erica has seen Kevin, Joe and Nick in this very arena was in May 2008 when they were SUPPORTING Avril Lavigne. Now the key word in that sentence is the word SUPPORT because a little over a year later they had filled out this arena just for themselves. I was so unbelievably proud and I still am right in this very moment. We got Soundcheck stuff and we get into the arena, everyone of course is freaking out but I find myself completely still. Just wanting to see the boys again. Christa was waving to us in the soundcheck and everyone wanted to know why -cue crap loads of people cutting their eyes at us haha-then the boys walked on and first words out of Joe's mouth. "Its so great to be back in a country that speaks English" you've gotta love that boy.

They soundchecked, sang with a girl, answered questions and then left. Joe promised to sing "Please Be Mine", of course that didn't happen. Haha! So we leave the arena and go and grab some food, which I couldn't even eat because I was so anxious about the show. We waited and GCC came on, then our seats got bumped up and we had such an amazing view. Cue the waiting for the boys to come on. Its kinda sad how myself and Erica know the order in which the warm up music runs.

"Ohh Baby Give Me One More Chance...you know whats next?"
"Reptillia"
"Then Message In a Bottle"

The boys came on and everyone went haywire, including myself. Give me a break, its been six months since I've last seen them! Haha! I'll be the first to say that I cried. The first time ever I have ever and I mean EVER cried at a band. I didn't cry because of the band. I cried for a more personal reason. They have come so far. I have seen how much they have grown. For them to be back in the venue where I saw them a little over a year ago, when they were supporting, and they were playing it to THEIR fans, NOT Avril's mad me so super happy for them. They completely deserve everything that comes/is coming their way. I will forever support them no matter what.

Birmingham was an amazing show to open up the tour with and I was thankful that I could attend it.

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Next up was Wembley. The mighty Wembley. They love Wembley, end of story. I love Wembley, end of story. So many amazing memories from June are held in that building. We had front row so of course we were incredibly pumped. London is just an awesome place. John Taylor poned the whole pointing and telling people where we are seated. Greg completely owns the whole posing for ours cameras. Joe owns "BB GOOD" and our inside joke, which he completely remembers all the way from Hammersmith. Kevin...haha you've gotta love him. And finally, nickj who just loves singing World War Three at us and continually staring. To top it off meeting him in the Harrods...hahaha!

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Finally Manchester! BEST SHOW EVER! MOST AMAZING CROWD. "Hey lobby girl" Tom Selleck. "Step out" Just no words. I was just immensely proud. So many inside jokes...staying inside jokes.

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I know this isn't the best, but I just love to keep certain things to myself because....well just because.

Until next time.

-L-

Next week.....

Next week expect an epic video blog. A JONAS ROADTRIP BABY!

BIRTHDAY WEEKEND IN PICTURES!

Birthday Weekend!!!

First off I just want to thank everyone for the comments wishing me a happy birthday! They made me smily tremendously, so thank you again!

I had a wonderful birthday weekend, so many presents, so much fun! I absolutely love my friends. This weekend has taught me who my real friends are, and they know who they are!

Friday I had a party, which was short notice, but it went better than I expect. Yesterday me, erica, laura and amy went to Birmingham Lights -which of course was a fail and got cancelled, and then pizza hut which was an absolute win! German Market to buy doughnuts and feel like an absolute fatty by the end of the night.

Wanna know the best way to end a birthday weekend...doing an history essay! Party like a rockstar! :)

-L-

Sick and putting things into perspective.

Thats right, sick AGAIN. It's beginning to grate on me. Completely not good considering my birthday is in ten days. I need to look good for my birthday. I need to have lost weight but I can't get to the gym because I have no energy whatsoever. Not good. It's my own fault for staying out so late Friday night. I don't regret it thought, I had the most amazing night ever that night.

Right now I'm putting certain aspects of my life in perspective. I'm moving on, learning stuff about myself along the way. Certain people in particular. Certain people failing me. Just not what I need at all. It's making me think that the only people I need in my life are my mom and my best friend(s). They are the only ones who never ever fail me. To be honest that's quite sad to say that out loud, but its the truth.

What happened Friday is the reason I'm putting things into perspective. Right now I know where I stand, and sure it hurts like hell and its making me sad, but it was something I had to know. I couldn't wait in the dark forever. The person in question is making me think a lot about feelings right now. Whether I'm getting mixed up with love or caring about someone I don't actually. I think I loved this guy, but now I only care about him thanks to his stupid actions Friday.

Most of you probably don't know what I'm on about talking about Friday so vaguely. Let's just say I fell out of love, got disappointed, almost cried in front of a bunch of my friends - boys and girls. Over someone who I now know isn't worth anything. My thoughts, my love, my tears. Nothing at all. Sure it hurts like hell in saying that, but I need to allow that to sink in. I need to not think about the boy I fell in love with at school, who had the best eyes and best hair, who wasn't rude, who made me laugh, always talked to me. I need to think about the boy who ruined himself. The boy who ruined his hair. The boy who was rude to me all evening, not talking to me one second. The boy who made me almost cry that night. The boy who lost the sparkle in his eyes - because if I think about this person there is no way I will mix the feelings of love and caring up. I'll know the difference.

The boy who was at school I was in love with. The boy at the party is the one I care for. I care in the sense that I want him to well in life, I want him to go out there and make something of himself, I want him to ditch the girl that he is is with just for his sake - not so he can "go out" with me. I want him to realise that he should have been with me, and that I'm not there any more because of his own stupidity. I don't want to rub salt in any wounds, and no doubt if he ever came "running" to me for help I would help in a flash - because I care, not because I'm in love.

I almost crying at the fact that I'm writing this. I'm writing that I've fallen out of love with someone who I was really considering pouring myself into 100%. It scares me to think how easily I would have done so. I hate to think that he has changed, but it’s there in black and white and I need to grow up and accept that. My friends, I love them dearly, they were there for me that night. Two of them in particular. They’ve told me to get over him, it’s not that easy. Sadly I’m still hanging on, to part of him. He’s not “high school ---“ he’s “I’m rude to you, and I don’t acknowledge you ---“ and I need to understand that. Even if it means having to keep typing it, or reminding myself daily, I need to understand that. I need to remember that. I’m not suckering myself back in. I can’t afford to do that because really it hurts too much, and you make yourself look like an idiot in the process in front of people out of frustration and anger.

So tonight I need to promise myself something, don't fall so easily.

-L-