Today is just one of those days....

Honestly I just broke down in tears and cried the hardest I have done in a while. Now I'm currently blasting "Sorry" because its such a personal song to me. I have no idea where to put myself right now, and this is going to seem really rushed and no where near in detail but I feel like I need to get something down. I'm breaking down from the inside out. Tearing myself up. I hate myself for sinking so deep. Allowing myself to fall. I hate myself for allowing everything about me break. I changed my outlook on boys because of you and its the most rewarding thing I have ever done, but right now I'm regretting it cause I am severely hurting.

I want to open up your eyes and show you a whole other world. A world I know you would be comfortable in. A world that I would make you comfortable in. I've got this pit, gut, nervous feeling hanging in my stomach now. I really need you to be here, and just hold me. That's it. That's all I will ever need. I feel like nothing will ever make this feeling go away. I could write a thousand songs or more and nothing will ever be able to take the feeling away. The pain. The love. The hurt. The happiness.

I hate being in two minds over everything. I hate no knowing. I just need you to wake up, sooner rather than later. Everything needs to fall in place cause I feel like I'm depending on it. I know its fear of rejection that holds me back, but if I am rejected, knocked back, then I know I would definitely die inside.

Just so you know, I'm thinking about you today...