So I'm sitting here with my laptop and I'm going to write. I haven't done this in a long time so lets just see how it goes...
I'm always like this when it comes to a certain person, which I know is ridiculous yet I can't let go. And I let them control my life for me because they are the only part of it that makes me happy yet I'm "sad"as I'm typing this? I know it doesn't make sense, don't judge me.
Right now in this moment I just want them to leave because then I know they're 8 hours away and I don't have to care about feeling anger towards others etc...
I don't know what it is that this person has over me, but it can no longer be considered stupid if it's taken up the past four - five years of my life can it?
All I can think of is this person, and how they are, what they're doing, thinking? And then I get angry at myself because deep down inside I know the other person couldn't care less about how I am, what I'm doing or thinking.
I need to stop getting sucked back in.
It's gotta be love right? The reason that I cry or can't think straight for days. I feel sick to the stomach with butterflies and anxiousness. I'm sounding like a right depressant. Maybe I should be on anti-depressants, I no longer know anymore.
I know one thing though, I'm sick of getting shot down at any chance I want to talk about it. I know I talk about the same things, all the time, but still that's my relief. Maybe I should start doing videos to myself, because if no one else is listening then...
So and overall conclusion is I am a mess, and I sorta like it...
Fine line between love and hate?
-L-
